


Broken

by girly1393



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark, Depression, Gen, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Multi, One Shot, Pre-Hogwarts, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 11:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7639222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girly1393/pseuds/girly1393
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One moment, there she was, laughing and joking and breathing. She was his. The next, it was over. She had disappeared to a place he could not follow. She had left him alone, to raise a son.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

As suddenly as it had started, everything stopped.

One moment, there she was, laughing and joking and breathing. She was his. The next, it was over. She had disappeared to a place he could not follow. She had left him alone, to raise a son.

He had been out for the Order, she home with Harry. They had agreed someone would always be with Harry; they would never fight together again. He had come home to the door wide open, loud bangs resounding from the second floor, the front room a disaster. He'd raced through the house, heart thundering. A man in black robes stood in Harry's room, brandishing a wand at his son. Rage and fear flooded him.

"James," Lily whispered. It was then he had seen her standing between Voldemort and Harry, protecting their son. He moved to join her, a spell on his lips.

There was a flash of green light, followed quickly by another, and Voldemort disappeared. Harry cried, leaving James no time to wonder, and James had rushed to him, tucking him into his chest.

Where was Lily?

The world slowed, Harry crying, Lily's hair over her face, his heart crushed in seconds.

James wished every day that he and Lily had listened to Albus and had gone into hiding. He had told them about the prophecy, but when he explained about the other boy, Frank's son, James and Lily had been foolishly hopeful that Voldemort wouldn't act on either boy quickly. They thought they had a few months to figure it out.

But they had been wrong.

Now Harry was all he had left of his family.

James rubbed his eyes and sat up. He looked around the bedroom, his fingers wrapped around his wedding ring again. It had been nine months since Lily had been taken from him, from him and Harry, but it seemed like years. Harry was nearing two years old and it took a village to care for him. Remus and Sirius had moved in, to help James.

James stood up, stretching the muscles in his back. He yawned and moved forward, picking up a few socks from the floor and depositing them in the basket.

He heard Harry giggle and smiled vaguely, grateful his only son would grow up in a world without horror, that his wife had made the world safe for their boy. Sirius laughed next, a full laugh that made Harry giggle louder. James glanced at a clock: mid-afternoon again.

James dragged himself to kitchen, noting the terrible mess strewn around the countertops. Lily would be so irritated if she could see the way the men in her life were living now.

His life had become listless without Lily. He had spent the majority of his life watching Lily, loving Lily. Suddenly, he could only watch her in memories, love her only remainder. Harry.

Their relationship hadn't been easy; getting her to accept his marriage proposal had been difficult enough. But he loved her, and she loved him. Harry had come at a terrible time in the war, but that hadn't mattered to Lily. He'd known how badly she'd wanted to be a mother from Fifth Year; she wanted three kids. She would never get those children. James would never have those children with her.

He heaved a sigh and leaned back against the counter, scanning the room. He suddenly expected Lily to walk in the door and exclaim in disgust at the state of the house.

"James!" she'd yell. "What have you been _doing_?!" She might even perform her favorite jinx, the Finger-Removing Jinx, which had been his particular form of hell throughout Sixth Year.

Tears clouded his eyes as he realized Lily would never do that again.

He'd lost his mind: he was missing being _jinxed_ by Lily!

He stared out the back window, his eyes desperately searching for her red hair against the green backdrop. He knew it was fruitless, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. He looked for her every time he left the house. He shook his head. He had to get a grip.

"Augh, Prongs!" Sirius yelled. "Harry spit up again!"

James didn't reply. Sirius would assume he was still sleeping and James couldn't handle the thought of being with Sirius right now. His friend was supportive and always there, but he didn't understand the complete emptiness enshrouding the home. He didn't know how James felt, and for that, James resented his best friend.

James had welcomed Remus and Sirius into his life and home after Lily died, even giving them the master bedroom to share. Without them, he and Harry would be lost. With them, he saw their love and felt even more alone.

He haphazardly piled a few dishes from the counter into the sink, hoping it did something for the room, and headed back up to his son. A flourish of red caught his eye on the stairs, though, and James found himself watching the photographs on the wall above the stairs. Lily held Harry up and waved his little fist, mouthing, "Say 'hi' to Daddy," five times before James remembered he wasn't in that time anymore. Life had changed, had moved on, and he needed to, too. Harry could wave his own fist and say, "Hah," when he walked in the room.

He leaned against Harry's doorframe. Sirius had his back to him, singing a silly song to Harry.

"And then we'll get some chocolate frogs to watch them bounce around the room, and that line didn't rhyme," Sirius sang, buttoning Harry's onesie.

Harry chewed on his fist, his mother's green eyes studying Sirius' face. James smiled gently, watching those green eyes. This would be the only place he would ever see them again.

James loved his son, more than he loved life itself. He had loved Lily more than he loved life. But he had loved each of the two as equally as he could. To be without Harry would be as difficult as life without Lily. He knew that, but that didn't change the depth of the depression he was gripped with now.

Lily was dead.

No matter how many times he said it, thought it, came up with variations on it, the truth cut deeply. The wound was raw and chaffing, dripping the blood of his soul. He was caught in the repetition of his grief.

Harry spotted him and gurgled. James waved and forced a smile. It would heal; with Harry, he could move on.

"Hi, buddy," James said. "I think it's almost nap time."

Sirius pouted. "Does he have to? I was making up a new song."

"I heard it. I definitely think Harry needs to go to bed, to escape your singing."

Sirius laughed, but James' heart wasn't in it. Sirius kissed Harry on the forehead and said, "Here, Dad. You can tuck him in." He left the room.

James bounced Harry a few times as he walked toward the crib. Harry yawned as he was laid down and James smiled at him. He whispered gently, "It'll be okay. We'll make it, you'll see."

James flipped the light off, remembering the day Lily had picked the color for Harry's room. James had hated it, wanting something bolder, like Gryffindor colors, for his son, but he saw now how right she had been.

Lily was never coming back. He would have to learn to live without her, raising Harry with Sirius and Remus. This would be a life without Lily, but it would have to be a life anyway. For Harry. For the boy whose mother gave her life to save him. For the boy who saved the Wizarding World.

**Author's Note:**

> This AU was written a few years ago, originally published on HPFF, and recently edited to better reflect my current writing style. I've been writing for a long time, but I always love feedback, so I'd appreciate any comments you have to give! And, of course, these characters and the world is owned by JKR herself and I make no claim on them.


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